Solitude

Yes, another sad title and another sad discourse on my life! I cant understand why I come back to you mostly and only when I feel there is no meaning to my life and when i don’t want to live any longer. I know these are strong words and i, for one, definitely severely lack the courage it takes to go down that path but isn’t it more about what you think than about what you do?

And right now, i feel like I wish I wasn’t born, even if I had to be, I wish I had never grown up, even if I had to, I wish this hadn’t happened to me (i don’t understand what I am referring to as ‘this’). I wish i wasn’t myself. Maybe its just me because everyone else seems quite contented. The question, now, is when and where did ‘me’ go wrong? What went wrong?

There is nothing that i enjoy these days! Not movies, not books, not work, not food (yes, it has always been a fundamental part of my life :D), not friends (i don’t know who i am referring to as ‘friends’), is it just me? But what went wrong?? I REALLY wish someone could answer that question for me.

It is probably just a phase that will also pass by like any other day but right now, i could kill to feel differently. I wish something would help, i wish someone would help. I know there are people in my life who care and care a lot but for some reason, it just doesn’t seem enough. Just not enough.

I am probably asking for too much and i am responsible for what i have lost and all that i have lost (which is a LOT! More than i can fathom!). but doesn’t everyone deserve a second chance? I guess not :/

Unbelievable!!

4 months!! thats how long its been since i last saw my blog. haha i was supposedly busy! OR NOT!! just chose not to write or was too engrossed with other things :/ but anyway here i am..thanks to the same person :))

feels nice to be back :D lots of things have happened, lots of things have changed n i have changed with them. india won the world cup :D n i got a blackberry n broke it LOL. got in touch with a lot of old friends..feels GREAT :D

seem to have lost that knack, that flair for blogging :| hope to get back soon :)

let's start afresh!!

life's weird. morning on december 24th..i felt like a prisoner dying to break free. evening december 25th i was a free bird but had lost that craving to fly. i dint mind staying back for a while. weird?

time flies. january 31st..could give anything for not having to return to this place..weird?

no more victimisation of self..lets start afresh. the slate is clear. past impressions of all the bad removed (or the so-called bad cuz everything happens for the good na?)

let's start with a new aim and determination to succeed. let's decide our course so we dont. let us not let insignificant things affect us anymore. let's be strong enough to handle anything that comes our way. let's learn to accept failures because they will come. let's learn to keep trying. let's learn to be the masters again..lets not give a damn to what the other people are saying or thinking or woteva.

what say? start afresh?

what a dilemma!

there have been instances like this one before but dis one looks slightly different :/ probably cuz its d first time at dis place? dont know..for those who r wondering what im talking bout..dis is not one of those dark n gloomy posts but just a random (though honest n arguably the most truthful) n happy one!

now d dilemma..whether to respond or not! whether to be mad or not! whether to reciprocate or not! whether to hide or not! whether to signify a yes or a no! der is no end. what does dis phrase mean? does it carry a latent meaning? do they want to say something? should i say dis or dat or anything at all!? shud i just say what i want to? do i even know what i want? i guess.......not :/

finding it difficult to share it wid d closest of friends. now dats not new but im dying to share. i want to talk n go on talking n want advice but i dont want ppl to know dat i want to talk. doo u uderstand?

dont wat it to end but dont want it to progress either! dont know what d consequences r going to be..slightly scared, slightly skeptical but damn curious. cant it just stay d way it is. i think its beautiful :/

dressed to the nines

der hav been instances when i hav been over dressed for the occasions..n today was one..shit it was bad. just kept looking around to spot people as dressed as i was but could find none :(

to add to it all dese ppl go like.."y r u so decked up?" types n i kept wondering y i wore what i did :/

it was as if the whole world was staring at me n i was at d center n being at d center is not a cool thing all d time. u think im exaggerating..u totally do..think bout d last time u thought u were over dressed..dint u want to run away?? thats what i did. just tried to hide myself n RAN!!!

haha here i am..back in my track suit..feels so much better. hav already chosen clothes for tomorrow..clothes nhi rags. im wearing rags to class tomorrow. hope it can make up for todays disaster lol.

free advice (i know im not d best person u want to listen to today but anyway) for anything in the world..listen to urself except EXCEPT clothes..listen to what the other person says..trust me u'l always be better off..

back to blogging

back to blogging..thanks to vidhi gupta n harshit bansal!!
its funny how fickle-minded one can be..anyway idc as long as im sittig here writing dis post..it is very soothing. i like it n i will do it regularly from now on..

i really loved today..like loved it!!! again felt like i hav ppl who r bothered n who do giv a damn..just went out wandering in the lanes of dwarka just when some kind bird shit on a friend (yes it did)..she thinks it was crow, i can bet it was a sparrow

lol..we died laughing (i inadvertently hugged her after dat ewwwwwwww). anyway we went to this chhoti si shop n had mango bar. it was awesome trust me better than any ice cream i've ever had (yes vidhi our choco chips too)..those moments were so perfect! i seemed to hav found friends again..i dont know ho long they will last but they mean d world to me rite now.

those 5 hours today..how they flew away..it was fun n laughter overload. godfather, double 'A', usual bulshit n at times apples n oranges too (i know u rnt getting a word but "chill out dude" hahaha). haha one of the best days in my recent past!! and u know what??? im sooo excited? will tell u in my next post hopefully..

happy independence day!!

hi again! im breaking all records..2 posts in a day but i forgot to celebrate our 64th independence day on my blog!! so happy independence day to all..i hope this generation of ours gets our motherland d much needed independence fighting another freedom struggle n d tougher one!! which is to revive our confidence n thus our pride in ourselves n our nation.

i hope we turn dis india into bharat again n restore its long lost "sone ki chidiya" waala status..we owe it to our ancestors, if not more..

happy independence day again!!!